lots of banter to make up for skeleton plot
by nericearren
Summary: "You wish you were bad," she mumbled sleepily, "but really, you're just smelly."


Lisanna wasn't sure, but she thought that one a.m. was a good time to be sleeping, not listening to her brother Elfman's fifth rendition of the "Elfman Is So Manly" song. It did not help that Evergreen was drunk, and therefore egging him on with many embarrassing chants that Lisanna hoped someone was capturing on lacrima, Elfman was drunk, and therefore more of a boneheaded idiot than usual, and Lisanna _wasn't_ drunk, owing to Mirajane being the one in charge of the alcohol that night.

"I want to go home," she begged her sister, resisting the urge to cover her ears against the clamor of the guild, which was still in full post-Magic-Games-Celebration mode.

"At this hour?" Mira shouted over the chaos. "Not by yourself! Just . . . find a corner, or something." She turned away, then, to scold a wasted Laxus for copping a feel while she wasn't paying attention.

Lisanna sighed, mumbling, "At least let me _drink_, then . . ." But Mira wouldn't. She had several firm views on beer, and one of them was that she didn't want her younger sister anywhere near it. Nevermind that Natsu, Lucy, and even damn Happy could get as many refills as they wanted-Lisanna was still the baby sister, who couldn't even walk home on her lonesome.

She couldn't find a quiet corner, but she did find a corner with marginally less people than the rest of the guild hall, so she settled there with her back against the wall and her eyes closed, wondering if she could make the noise go away just by wishing it.

"Yo. Baby Strauss."

Apparently not. With an inaudible groan, Lisanna opened her eyes again, to see Bickslow looming over her. "The bar maid sent me to walk ya home," he told her, tongue darting out after every other word. Disgusting. Like a humanized frog. Not sexy; nope, not a bit.

Yup. She would just keep repeating that.

"Do you have horrible nicknames for everyone?" she asked, not getting up from her spot on the floor.

"Is Baby Strauss tired?" he countered. "Getting whiny, so it's time to have big, bad Bickslow walk her home?"

"You wish you were bad," she murmured, closing her eyes again. "But really, you're just smelly."

"And this is you when you aren't drunk," he said. "I shudder to imagine what you come up with when you are."

Lisanna gave up, rose from the floor, and stretched, feeling her shirt ride up her stomach. Feeling Bickslow, on the other side of his metal visor, watching her. "If you're just going to mock me, I'd rather minimize our time together, if you please," she said, aware that she sounded like a character in a play.

"We'll ride off into the night," Bickslow said, tongue lolling again. "And I'll be your knight."

"Of terribly bad puns?" she guessed, ducking under the swinging arm of an over-enthusiastic Macao, who was-once again-reenacting his courageous battle with the army of 10,00 dragons.

"My puns are good, it's the audience that's bad," he retorted, and they finally made it out of the hot, stifling guild and into the colder street. Lisanna sighed in relief as the noise was automatically cut in half by the big, wooden doors.

"Alone at last," she said, overdramatic, then glanced over her shoulder at her companion.

"We should try ta make it at least a block this time, don'tcha think?" he asked.

She laughed. "That's your funniest joke yet." She walked forwards two steps, then turned around.

Bickslow stepped closer. "We're still in front of the guild, Baby Strauss."

"It's one in the morning, Mr. Clown Man."

"Now that," he said solemnly, "was just insulting. Mr. Clown Man? When there's Balloon Pants, Helmet Head, Crazy Eyes, Bigmouth, Super-Elongated-Tongue-Man?"

"Super-Elongated-Tongue-Man?" Lisanna asked, beckoning him closer. "That doesn't sound kinky at all."

"Now you're just asking for it," he replied, shoving his visor up. Lisanna grabbed his forearms. "Yeah, for like, ten minutes now."

"Ya gotta say it," he taunted.

She scowled at him for a second, but he didn't budge. "Fine. Shut up and kiss me."

Without another word, he did; bringing his head down so fast that she thought he must have been as eager as she was to get started, wrapping both of his arms around her waist in a way that was neither graceful nor gentle, but just like him-wild and happy and just a little off-kilter.

Bickslow broke away, grinning at her quickened breath. "Told ya it would be better with some sass to it."

"Oh, shut up," she replied irritably, winding her arms around his neck. "I want to kiss you more."

He threw his head back and laughed, and she shushed him as best she could, and they ended up ducking around a corner to avoid a curious Mirajane, who poked her head out the guild door, looked around, and then disappeared back inside.

"How many nights has it been, now?" Lisanna asked, wriggling out of Bickslow's restraining grip. "That she's been asking you to walk me home?"

"Probably nine or ten," he said. "Who cares?" He looped one of his fingers into her belt, drawing her back to his side, and gave her another kiss. "All I know is, she stays at the guild all night and we get a whole apartment to ourselves."

"Mm." Lisanna nuzzled his jaw. "We really have her fooled."

Back at the guild, Mirajane slapped Laxus's hands away from her rear end for the thousandth time.

"Why do you work the night shift?" Lucy asked, amused. "You know you're just going to have to deal with this crap."

"Oh," the bar maid sighed. "Well, this way, Lisanna can pretend that she's still a virgin and I don't have to tear Bickslow limb from limb. That's all."

"But . . . you know?" Lucy asked. Mira nodded. "Wow," the Celestial mage said. "You really have her fooled."


End file.
